(please note anything that i say someone said that i put quotations around is an exact quote.)

Our MS NOW president Jenni Smith had sent through a flyer to me about a "healthcare forum" being thrown by the radical right. She thought that we should let people know that it was going on so that there could be a liberal presence there to ask some questions and counter lies if need be.

Tom & I decided that we would attend and hopefully ask some questions. I wondered if any of the speakers had actually read the 1,007 page bill (HR 3200) and also why Les Riley was one of the speakers chosen for the panel. I knew that the forum was at Lemuria Books in Banner Hall. I had never been there before but in my mind I pictured the gathering being small, 30-50 people in the bookstore the way it might be if an author was doing a reading and book signing. In actuality it was at the Lemuria annex, so we had to walk across to there and arrived right about 6pm. The place was already packed to standing room only and people had started sitting outside as there was a speaker that allowed us to hear what was going on inside.(According to Lemuria employees the annex seats 70 and that with standing would hold approximately 120 people.) I wanted to take notes so it was easier to do that sitting outside.

I had expected to hear some of the frequent misconceptions or lies about HR3200 so I had read up on it prior to the forum. What actually happened was quite different than anything I'd expected...

The question of why exactly Les Riley was speaking was answered in Angela McGowan's introduction. You see Les Riley is not a doctor, he's not an expert on healthcare, and if he graduated college his bio doesn't say so. Les Riley is the organizer of "Personhood" MS, a voter initiative that hopes to amend the MS State constitution to classify fetuses as people in order to stop abortion and cloning. Yes, cloning. He is also a speaker at the anti-Obama "Tea Parties".

Riley was the first speaker of the evening. He opened by talking about Romans 13:1 & 4: "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer." Riley interpreted this verse to mean the Government's (only) job Biblically is to punish evil. Even leaving verses 2 and 3 out I feel that this is a bit of a stretch. Reading verses 2 & 3 it becomes clear that this passage is actually telling Christians to obey the government and laws. In fact it's no surprise that Riley skipped verse 2 as it states: "he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves." Not so much of a stretch to say that protesting the President is rebelling against authority but then, I guess God didn't institute Obama? We won't go there, it brings up too many issues. ;)

Riley then informed us that those who are outside Christ will be seen naked on judgment day with their sin piled around them. He gave no chapter or verse for that. He then told a story of an email he received from someone who disagrees with him, informing him that Jesus were He here today would support universal healthcare as it cares for the poor. Riley's response to this was that the government doesn't actually use taxes to care for poor children. He said: "Socialism creates more poor people and enslaves them...That's why politicans love it." He told us that when his wife was pregnant with their 9th (yes 9th) child that he had just changed jobs and had no health insurance. His wife had complications and spend 90 days in the hospital and even then he didn't want the government's help. She didn't say whether or not she wanted the government's help as she was across from us on the deck; a tired looking woman in a long denim skirt watching over a brood of children where all the girls wore skirts.

He then told us that the "Liberal Left" says that the government shouldn't be involved in healthcare as an excuse for not protecting "tiny people". Now seeing as I am the liberal left and am also in the National Organization for Women one of the most committed pro-choice organizations in this country I can tell you that I have never said nor have I heard anyone say that the "government shouldn't be involved in HEALTHCARE" as an argument for a woman's right to choose. As far as I can tell the only thing even close to what he was saying was when we say that a woman's reproductive health choices are between her and her doctor. That is true regardless of who her insurance is coming from, the government or private insurance. He also said that because the bill doesn't state overtly anywhere that government run healthcare will not pay for abortions that the bill can easily be changed later to say that it will. His main reason for not supporting this bill appears to be that he believes that someday his tax dollars will pay for a woman to have an abortion. I hope he's right! Just kidding; or am I?

Riley then gave us his "Six reasons" for opposing universal healthcare. He went back and forth telling stories and talking as he gave his FIVE reasons for opposing it:
1. It harms the people it claims to protect. (He gave no examples of how.)
2. It is economically disastrous and will reduce opportunities for his children and grandchildren. (He didn't tell us how or why.)
3. He is Anti-Abortion and "this bill is Pro-Death" (He gave no explanation as to how it is pro-death.)
4. He is a "Constitutionalist and advocate for liberty." (I failed to see the relevance.)
5. "The Government cannot solve all of your problems only the Messiah can."

When he realized he had only given five reasons he then ended with "Because I'm a Christian."

After applause for Riley, Dr. Ed Holiday a dentist from Tupelo began to speak. As Riley did, Dr. Holiday mentioned within seconds of beginning to speak that he is married and has children. He then talked about his positive experiences speaking with "Tea Party" rallies. He informed us that we are "living under tyranny" just as in the time of Sam Adams. He believes that HR3200 "is about control not healthcare. The government wants to control all aspects of our lives."

"[HR3200] is the pit of hell." "A new trail of tears will begin. The economy will nose-dive. It will rob from our children by raising the National debt." Dr. Holiday sounded to Tom like an auctioneer and to myself like a fire & brimstone Southern Baptist preacher. Combine the two and what you imagine is what Dr. Holiday sounded like. Pretty quickly into his speech I noted that he was using impassioned tone of voice, a sense of urgency, and catch-phrases such as "my fellow americans" and "give me liberty or give me death" to evoke an emotional response in the listener meant to distract them from the fact that he pretty much said nothing. Healthcare reform he says is like "Eve eating the tree of knowledge." "We need healthcare reform but not this Trojan Horse..." He tells us, "[meant to] rob, steal and destroy the economy." He ended his speech that contained very little by stating "The government wants the right to pull the plug on you." and that "Patriots are taking names."

He used the phrase "give me liberty or give me death" at least three times, and "my fellow Americans" no fewer than twice. When the third speaker Dr. Pat Barret began it was clear that they'd started off with the two most powerful speakers. Tom and I had been receiving suspicious looks from the time we walked in and sat down. This began when the young man with the "personhood" T-shirt asked me to sign their petition as we entered and I told him that I didn't want to miss any of the speeches and perhaps when we exited. I also realized that despite the fact I was wearing conservative business casual attire (black slacks, a pink tank top, a fairly expensive scarf, heels) that I obviously stood out as I have a nose ring, 2 visible tattoos, and was wearing pants instead of a skirt. In hindsight, I probably should've worn long sleeves and a skirt as to blend in better. I was the only one outside taking notes which also drew attention to me. As time elapsed I became more and more conscious of the fact that we were not among friends. I didn't feel safe honestly. I know in this state we are always around the "from my cold dead hands" types, the ones that wouldn't vote for Obama simply because he is black. I had never really felt surrounded by them in the way that I did then. Surrounded in a way that triggered my fight or flight instinct, and i knew there were too many of them to fight off.

I'm no coward mind you. I go to conservative Christian college in a car plastered with rainbow, NOW, liberal and pro-choice bumper stickers and it's often in the back of my mind that some crazy might get in my face about them. Worse, they might do more than get in my face. In a world where people claim to be pro-life and kill doctors i'm not sure that some of them aren't crazy enough to harm a person just for being pro-choice, or gay, or liberal even - as i stop at the stop sign that has a "lose liberals" sticker on it one block from where i have to park my car. I've honestly never wanted to blend in before. I let out a breath I did not know I'd been holding when we got up to leave. Unfortunately that would not keep me from looking behind me to make sure Tom was following and literally knock one of Les Riley's toddlers to the asphalt in the process. I was panicked and aghast because believe it or not, I'm pro-choice and probably want to have kids. He was fine, he didn't even cry. I was already incredibly on edge, which led me to shout out "Oh my God, I'm SO SORRY!" which probably earned no points as I used the Lord's name in vain. Mrs. Riley (as I am sure she would want to be referred to) assured me that he was fine and for a split second I felt like we were all just people. I wasn't a radical lesbian liberal feminist Christian who enjoys body modification; she wasn't a radical right-wing anti-choice mother of nine who won't wear pants and probably believes she should submit to her husband. For a split second there we were two people concerned about a child who had hit the pavement. People, just people.

That's something I think we all forget when we start thinking about politics. It's something we have to forget to an extent when we become activists for either side. "The enemy" becomes a theory rather than a flesh and blood human being. I fight for her right to choose to have nine children, she wants to take away the right of every other woman to not. It's odd to look into someone's eyes and for a split second forget all of that. In the end, I can give you no solid, statistical, valid reason for not supporting HR3200 because they didn't give one. If there are any, it appears that this particular group of people believe that their skills at playing on your fears, your inability or unwillingness to find out the facts for yourself, and your eagerness to be swept away in mob mentality are much more important than giving you concrete reasons to not support it. I'm pretty sure that alone tells you why you should.

this is my latest blog post from www.nowms.org



jenni smith, president of MS NOW and nancy kohsin-kintigh, director of the jackson women's health organization


this is a difficult post to write, as it is a very difficult time. this past sunday may 30th dr. george tiller was viciously murdered in his church during the service as he served as an usher. by now most everyone has heard about this horrific act of violence. sunday was a blur of at first shock followed by disbelief, sadness and then activity. the fact that Jackson Women's Health Organization director Nancy Kohsin-Kintigh had to begin organizing a press conference when she should have been allowed to grieve the loss of her friend is just the tip of the indignity that the act of a gunman who was clearly out of his mind caused.


i'm not even going to try to hide the fact that i am angry.


i am angry that a movement that claims to be protecting life would take it. i am angry that these organizations will immediately (20 minutes after the act? really?) condemn the action but remind people that dr. tiller was "a mass murderer". whether or not they want to admit it, these pro-life organizations nurture and create killers like the man that took dr. tiller away from his family, his friends, and the women that he helped each day. i believe that organizations like operation rescue are directly responsible for the murder of dr. tiller.


these groups want to say that abortion is murder. ok, well what is murder? if anyone reads my blogs here and elsewhere you probably already know that i am a "wordie". i perhaps just made that up right now but it's like "foodie". i love words. so when i begin a thought or a blog post that has something to do with a word i start at the beginning - let's take a look at what the word means so that we can truly begin to understand it. let's start at the source. because words can get perverted, their meaning can be changed by popular culture, by incorrect usage, by slang, by any number of things. so before i go any further let's look for a second at the word: murder.


according to the random house dictionary which is used on the website dictionary.com murder is defined as: "the killing of another human being under conditions specifically covered in law." or to be more specific look at what wikipedia has to say about murder: "Murder, as defined in common law</a> countries, is the unlawful killing of another human being with intent</a> (or malice aforethought</a>), and generally this state of mind distinguishes murder from other forms of unlawful homicide</a>." so murder is something unlawful aka against the law, and as we all know abortion is NOT against the law it is legal. so when groups like operation rescue call dr. tiller a "mass murderer" what they are really doing is using inflaming language to incite people who are anti-abortion. incite them to what? well, we already know the answer to that don't we?


the truth is abortion is a tricky subject in the united states, and especially here in the south. in mississippi we have left today only one abortion clinic in the entire state. i had the opportunity to spend all day yesterday in the MS Dept of Archives & History reading room with our Starkville NOW President izzy pellegrine who is doing research on a personal project involving abortion in the state. as we looked at newspaper clippings beginning in 1975 a shocking pattern became clear: since roe v. wade the anti-abortion activists have had the exact same argument and so have we. a quote that we read from the 1980s could easily have been followed by the name "Jenni Smith" instead of the name of the then-President of MS NOW. izzy and i both remarked on that. the question became what have we been doing for the last 36 years? well i know what izzy and i have been doing, neither of us were born in 1973; but what have the feminists, the pro-choice movement been doing the last 36 years? because somehow we aren't changing any minds.


it's true that it's hard to argue with religion. we can obviously, and have and do, but how do you change the mind of someone who has a closed mind? you can't and it's clear that we are not. how do you identify an extremist? that actually is not so hard. it's easy to spot a ticking time bomb, just not so easy to see when he or she will go off. the new york times magazine featured a jackson area activist back in october of 1994. in her cover story "kill for life?" lisa belkin profiled "rev" roy mcmillan and his wife beverly. in the piece federal marshalls walk dr. booker into the now-defunct new woman medical center in jackson, to prevent mcmillan from killing him. fifteen years and the faces haven't changed. neither have the sides that they are on. in that same story it states: "The day after Britton [an abortion doctor in florida that was killed by mcmillan's personal friend paul hill] was shot, Booker's security guard says he heard McMillan shout, "You could be next, Booker."


what sense does it make to kill for "life"? it makes no sense in my mind but it's apparent that the people that do believe that the end justifies the means. kill an abortionist and you stop abortions. that's short-sighted in that another doctor will take the place of the doctor you kill. it's also short-sighted in that the same people who want to "save babies" have no interest in making sure that they have food or health care after they are born. this is what has always boggled my mind: the exact same people who stand outside the abortion clinics with their signs featuring mangled fetuses or whatever they claim to be "murdered babies" are also the people that want to do away with medicaid and welfare. as soon as the baby can breathe on its own it must fend for itself, literally. they want to protect it in the womb but they don't want their tax dollars to help pay for food for it to eat or insurance to get it shots or doctor's visits once it goes to wherever it will go to try and survive.


an unwanted child will not be nurtured. it will not be loved, it will not be adequately cared for, but that doesn't seem to matter to roy mcmillan and the other thousands of pro-"life" activists around the country. what about the babies that are killed? left for dead by teenage mothers that do not and never wanted them? why would you kill for an infant to live for ten or fifteen days of abuse before it is smothered and left in a dumpster? they scream "let us help you love your baby!" but how do they do that? they don't. they only want to confuse and intimidate young women past the point that they can obtain a legal abortion.


i know i tend to go on, and honestly with this subject i could go on and on. perhaps i will make this a series of blog posts. i want to end this post and leave you with this true story. a few months ago a friend and i were on a bench swing enjoying the sunshine at laurel street park in the belhaven area of jackson. it was a pretty day so the park was full of children and their care-takers enjoying the warmth, and one heterosexual couple swinging on the swings. a man entered the park a short time after we arrived with four african american children. something tugged on the back of my mind, but i wasn't sure what. i think i recognized the hat that he wore but all i thought to myself somewhat unconsciously was "that man doesn't look like he would have four adopted black children."


my friend and i continued our conversation until the man in the funny white hat approached us. he looked at my friend and said "do you know where i met these children?" she was a little confused and laughed but said "where?" he then began to tell us a story. it was about that time that i realized who the man was, "rev" roy mcmillan. i recognized his distinctive hat because i passed him each day on the way to work, he held up signs that said things like "abortion is black genocide" on the corner of state st and fondren place, the corner that he could stand on given the restraining order. i realized that he must've seen the bumper stickers on my car "pro-child, pro-choice, every child a wanted child", "i'll be post-feminist in the post-patriarchy" and my HRC sticker and by process of elimination decided that of all the people in the park she and i would be the ones driving that car. he told us a story of a young woman who was homeless, living in her car with her four children. she had no job, no way to work with so many young children, and had no home for them except a car. she came to jackson to have an abortion because she was pregnant with her fifth child. he interceded and talked her out of having an abortion, he helped them find a place in a homeless shelter. (i imagine simms house. i know it because a friend lived there for a time and i have issues with their policies.) the baby was born on christmas day, a little girl. his voice was oddly calm and his demeanor was frankly a bit creepy even before i realized who he was. at that point one of the children ran over and told mcmillan that he had to go to the bathroom. mcmillan replied "that's ok. we are going to chuck-e-cheese now." and wandered away as inexplicably as he had wandered over. my friend looked at me confused and said "what was that?" i said "that was roy mcmillan."


what i took from that conversation is this. there is no ounce of common sense in convincing a woman who lives in her car with four children to have another child she does not want and bring it into homelessness and poverty. when it comes right down to it the reason that i am pro-choice is this: it is hard to raise a child even under the best circumstances. children deserve love. if you love a child he or she may never notice that they grow up in poverty, but they deserve to be loved and wanted. when someone does not want a child they do not treat them with love or respect. no child deserves to be abused. i can tell you stories of friends and acquaintances that you would think came from a lifetime original movie. no 8 year old girl should be pimped out by her father for money. no one should have their arm broken by a father when they make too much noise. children should be loved and wanted and i do not think that anyone should be forced to carry and raise a child that they do not want. abortion is still legal in this country and i will give my own blood to see that it remains so, but i don't think that anyone should have to die for doing something that is LEGAL, that is OPTIONAL, and that women seek out because they WANT and NEED it.



photos by vickie d. king of the clarion ledger

this is a video i made of photographs i took from our prop 8 protest in november 2009 and our ex-gay protest at morrison heights baptist church february 2009.

song "lullaby for the new world order" by matthew good, used with permission.

as i said in an email earlier, i have a pit in my stomach like i did before katrina... i don't like the buzz that is building around potential hurricane gustav.

i remember how horrible it was being so far away during katrina. all i did was post about it, 5, 8, 12 times a day. radar, articles, videos from nola news programs... i definitely don't want to go back to that place, but i really hope it's not as bad as it could be. please.

headin straight to nola:

so my horoscope (lol, i know. i know. i don't take them seriously i just read them occasionally for fun) had something interesting to say today: "Ask people in love you respect for their definitions of love. Is it unconditional? Passionate? Devout? Full of affection and mutual respect?"

now, i don't think it necessarily has to be someone in love to answer this question. i am wondering what all of my friends (because of course i respect you all) what is your definition of love? not what makes it work, not what makes it last, any of that stuff but how do you personally define love?

talk to me. leave a comment, i want to hear your thoughts.

new f-only banner to go with the new theme!



some entries have been unlocked so you get a feel for the journal & me.

please also visit lamiarants which is my "public journal" and anyone is free to join that community although i am the only one that can post. thanks a lot! :)

edit: this got waaaay buried back in '06 so i'm moving it up. i make too many public entries! lol.

got a couple new rants over at lamiarants go read 'em.

i needed that smile!!!

Anyone know what's being filmed on Magazine street near Napoleon? Just curious!
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(Post a new comment)

the film MARDI GRAS

Starring Carmen Electra's boobs. With special guest Carmen Electra.


:D

it's true, the best people in the fucking world live in nola. maybe one day i will be one of them! (september - april, mama wants a winter refuge in heaven...)

i don't watch the view except when there's a clip on perez hilton (i used to, back in the day like the view. back when i worked noon-seven i watched the view and part of dr phil before i went to work, after working out.)

but can i just say after the last clip, elizabeth hassleback needs to be muzzled? wtf? i'm all for you being a ridiculously anorexic better looking anne coulter, but i wish that the words that came out of your mouth were a bit more intelligent. i'm not a raging fan of whoppi (did i spell that right? LOL) either, but at least she was making an intelligible point.

this is what survivor has brought us...dear God. breed, please continue breeding elizabeth. it's apparently what you're best at (save the thinking for the men) and God knows we need more republicans.

i'm less bitchy when i didn't just quit smoking 11 hours ago. slightly.

i have answered every active question on ok cupid. not today, it's just i was bored and clicked on "improve matches" and it told me that i've answered every single question they have.

however - the fucking cool thing is...

now i get to vote on whether to approve or deny questions!!!!!!!!! rock on.

stacey lynn, catlin & lisa at lunch today.

ok so finally i have had a moment to sit down and look at some couches online. any of these will be in a light to medium gray and maybe a suede-y material if it seems like it won't attract animal hair too much.

here's the ones i like from summerhouse:

Poll #1175563 couch
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

does this couch want to live in my new house?

what about this one?

or this one?

which one should i go into debt to buy?

i am applying for my very first passport tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just now i was listening to tori do "famous blue raincoat" and all of a sudden i started to cry. i started to cry and i couldn't stop...

i don't even know why. i've heard that song many times before, and it's not especially significant to me in any way. maybe it wasn't the song, maybe it was tori.

i miss her.

i was thinking earlier in the bath about how vulnerable a phrase that really is. "i miss you". that's a really personal feeling. i don't know how you go on after a while, when everyone you love takes tiny pieces of you away with them, like thieves even when you give it freely.

sometimes i think if i keep giving eventually there isn't going to be anything left for me. except for the tears. i guess there will always be tears, even when we think we've lost the ability to cry somehow they still come.

even these tears are hers.

here's a video i can only get the audio to work :( i'm at my parent's house, they have dial-up, grr!

it was so scary yesterday, i don't think even with the severe weather alerts that anyone expected what we got. i decided to run home on my lunch hour. when i left work it was overcast but not raining or anything. the closer i got to fondren the darker the sky got. christy texted me and said "i'm worried about you. tornado! come back." i knew it was going to be bad because as i passed the little complex where real estate solutions has a rental available (the one i looked at that didn't have a fullsized fridge) i saw the tree leaning at a 45 degree angle. i thought "it's going to go down, it's going to go down onto that power line." i was almost to ridgeway when BOOM!!!!! the rain came seemingly out of nowhere. it was so hard and fast, i almost drove past my house because i couldn't see.

there was already a huge limb down in my driveway. i parked next to the porch and ran inside just as the hail started. lisa was there and we were talking about it when the power went off. it came back on briefly and then went off again. luckily i had time to find the flashlight before it went off for good. i looked out the front door, and right next door a tree went down taking the power lines with it. i was so scared i was shaking. i asked lisa if she thought we needed to get the cats and go to a safe place in the house. then courtney and hailey called, they had been leaving umc on their way to our house to pick up lisa when it hit. with the powerlines and trees down they were trying to find a way to get to our house safely.

a huge tree went down right in front of them! hailey got it all on her cell phone, if she puts it on youtube i will post it. it's pretty dramatic, hailey is video-taping out the windhshield and courtney is talking to their mom telling her what's going on, sort of narrating. then out of nowhere, a fucking tree just falls right in front of their car. they're screaming and crying, it was nuts dude. then their mom calls lisa and says that there's a power line on their car, they're on pinehurst which is the road just down from our house. they're in the car and they're scared. we have no idea what to do so we start walking to where they are. it was unbelievable, power lines down everywhere. a tree took down a whole power pole on pinehurst. there was a gigantic tree almost completely blocking state street between our house and meadowbrook.

here's a house on the corner of state and northside, about a mile or two from my house. i called work and they said wait til it blows over to come back. looking at fondren, i couldn't imagine what it looked like between my house and work. i had to go back though because our vicksburg office completely lost power. the tree that fell right next door was blocking the lane & turning lane so only the oncoming lane was open. the power line was in the road but luckily i managed to get around it fine.

i couldn't believe all the trees down, huge gigantic old trees that were uprooted like they were nothing or big round trunks that splintered like twigs. fondren got the worst of it that i saw. as i headed back south on state street the light was out at dulling, and the fondren beverage imporium big heavy metal sign had blown into the street. everything was without power up til about umc. the light at old canton was working thankfully, however the light at state and woodrow wilson was out. lemme tell you, that scared me shitless. usually people begin treating intersections like 4-way stops when the lights don't work, but woodrow wilson and state is such a big intersection with so many lanes going different directions it was complete pandamonium. i feared for my life. once i got through that, it was fine. just limbs and leaves down everywhere, but nothing like what it was in fondren.

luckily by the time i left work they had cops directing traffic at that intersection. the power came back on at cups about 6:15, but we're still without power at home. they say it could be wednesday, but most places should have it back by tomorrow night. i can't believe that 94,000 people were without power yesterday and 52,000 are still without it today, mostly in the metro jackson area according to the clarion ledger. my parents were out at dogwood when it hit, they were in kohl's and they made everyone go to the middle of the store. my mom said old fannin was closed completely.

we got really lucky though, with all the big trees that are around our house, one could've easily come through the roof. it was all over in about an hour, but they're saying it's worse than what hurricane katrina did to jackson. i was really scared, i don't think i stopped shaking for that whole hour. hailey said that when the tree went down her life flashed before her eyes and she thought "i can't die yet i'm too young." yeah, she's 16 but even now for me at 27 i thought the same thing "i'm too young to die." all i could think about was firstly that i had to make sure the cats were ok, and second i thought of freddi and how far away she was and how i didn't want to die without having a chance to see her again...

i'm going to spend the night down here tonight if lisa doesn't text me to say that the power's back on at home. i don't really like the idea of having to get up at 5:30am monday morning to drive to go to work but i also know that i won't sleep well without my noisemaker or fan. i slept with my cd player listening to matthew good last night (for some reason he's my #1 choice to listen to while sleeping. he soothes me) but because it was a cd not my ipod (i still haven't reloaded the mp3s on it) i woke up every time it ended and had to re-start it.

argh. and the thing that makes me maddest (yes i know that's not really a word) is that i had just been to the grocery store thursday night and spent $80 on food, and now it's all going to be ruined. i brought my big bags of frozen fish and stuff down here, but i couldn't salvage everything. it sucks so much. :(

i am not dead, i'm stressed, overworked by work and school, but i would've been around but we haven't been able to get online at home in like, 2 and a half weeks.

so much to update on. all you on the f-list will see it soon!! (God willing)

that because i love women that people in this "great nation" of america seem to think that i (and believe me i do take it personally and so should everything thinking person be them lgbt or straight ally) am somehow after your children? i don't even really like kids. if i did, i certainly wouldn't wish them to be part of a minority that is vilified, misunderstood, discriminated against, and yes in this day and age still killed for simply being who they are.

in what fucked up world would anyone wish a life like that on anyone? and why it doesn't change is not because we are going around trying to brainwash kids into some "gay lifestyle" the way people are trying to brainwash kids into being heterosexists. i mean of all the things forced onto kids - religion, racism, sexism, heterosexism... is acceptance something we really do no want our children to learn????? is celebrating people for their differences a bad thing?

it's true, that of all of the teachers i know 96% of them are gay. these are people that give their time, their careers, their own hard-earned money (and God knows they don't earn a lot) to try and give something back to kids and their community...and that's a bad thing?

watch this, (or rather listen to it) and get as sick as i feel.



we sit back and we get comfortable in our little worlds. we, yes even i, sometimes forget that this still happens. people feel this way, people say this. she even says flat out that she puts herself in jeopardy for saying it. perhaps because it is wrong? i'm not the activist i should be, that i have it in me to be, and that is going to change. i am working on changing that. because for every moment that we are idle, we have to remember that there are people that hate. they hate me though they do not know me. perhaps i am naive that believing that by educating people, by talking with them, by knowing them, we can show them that gay people are just people. i've seen it happen, i've lived it.

it's really hard to stand up and say that gay people are corrupt and wrong when you know and respect one. this is why i believe in being out, this why i believe in speaking out. this is why even though i "pass" i try to be out as much as i can in my everyday life. i'm not going to go to work and say "i'm here, i'm queer, get used to it." but i'm not going to lie. because people's minds and beliefs will not change unless you challenge them.

the thing that angers me, and yes i have lost friends because this difference of opinion, is that this woman would not even in oklahoma, even in the south still be in office were she saying these things about african american people. there was a time when you could say things like that, and i am thankful that things have largely changed. because people with predjudices can think whatever they like, but they know that they cannot say them. they cannot actively live a life of hate. i know there is still a racist influence especially here in the south. some minds will never change and some people don't see how things are wrong.

i'm glad though that when a guy at work makes a reference to "colored people" i can say "excuse me? what did you say?" (yes that did happen). it's not so easy yet to call someone on heterosexism the way you can on racism or sexism. those changes happened because people fought against what was wrong in this country.

i know that i make some people uncomfortable with my opinion when it comes to being out and outing. the majority of people i know just live their lives and they don't feel a particular need to be visible. we need to be visible. when you hear shit like this, you have to know that it is not extreme to think that we cannot sit idly by and fly under the radar. i for one want to live without fear that i might be hurt or killed or someone i love hurt or killed for being gay. i want to live in a world where a man can hold his boyfriend's hand on the street of bum-fuck alabama and not be afraid. not even have to think twice about it. i want that world for my dear friend lisa's children, and my own if i decide i want to have them some day.

being different isn't easy. being hated? that's not an easy thing to deal with. i find it ironic that she talks in her ("i'm not anti-gay..." yeah right) tirade about the suicide rate for gay people. perhaps the suicide rate would not be so high if it were not for people like you, sally kern, and your message of hate.

i am even more sure after hearing this that i am right in my decision to apply for internships with lgbt activist groups and take the summer of 09 off from school to do one. i don't know that i will get any of them because a lot of them are political and legal in their focus and i am a social work major, but i will be damned if i am not going to try and begin to give something back. once math is over and my next class begins and i have a good idea of how much studying time i need, i am going to begin volunteering. i'm not sure what i can do in jackson on the lgbt front, but every day i go past the women's health organization with the protesters outside and that's another cause i firmly believe in.

that's also another rant. :)

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does." ~ margaret mead

an actual trailer for the satc film!!!!!!

it either gives away a lot or they leaked it on purpose to throw people off.